Over the past few months, many obscure circumstances occurred that led to the loss of much of my finances. And everything that I treasured or owned seemed to be under attack; relationships, belongings, finances. Damaged, broken, lost or stolen. I, nor any of my friends, could not figure out why, or how, this was happening.
Over the past few months, my friends and I had sought the LORD for answers/replies to these situations and had yet to receive revelation on the circumstance...
So, before the start of Circuit Riders Orlando, as staff, we felt the need to get rid of every last bit of offense in our hearts, that offense would steal from our lives and the LORD's plans for us and these schools. It was then that one of our staff members brought the WORD.
2 Timothy 2:4
"No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him."
I was always known as the servant-hearted one, the generous one, the selfless one. And this was what I considered myself to be as well.. I was dead wrong.
I, nonchalantly, walked outside to pray and repent of any offense I might have had in my heart. I remember praying for two other people, then it was my turn and so we began to seek the Lord on what was going on in my heart.
The LORD began to bring to light that all of the offenses that I had in my heart were toward HIM, the ALMIGHTY. I was offended because I was serving GOD with all that I had, but it seemed as though HE was refusing to provide for me and withholding every possible blessing from my life.
The moment I repented of this sin, the LORD began to bring greater revelation. Revelation of my heart, then revelation of HIS heart for me.
HE showed me the desires of my heart. I knew that my heart was for HIM and that I longed to serve HIM with all that I had, but I didn't see the fine print I had typed up myself. Even after months and months of removing my entitlements, I still had a ton of if's and but's I didn't want to let go of.
I had never really been selfless. I was self-indulgent, self-centered, self-seeking, selfish.
I began to repent, "JESUS, forgive me for all my selfishness. For worrying about my future. For not trusting YOU."
I began to release, "LORD, I give YOU all my civilian pursuits. I give YOU all my finances. I give YOU all my relationships, all my comforts, my parents, my reputation, my wife, my friends, my children, my hopes, my dreams, my visions, my heart, my love, my calling, my strength, my body, my thoughts, my life. I give YOU all of me. My self."
Then, in my heart, I began to receive, peace.
In true vulnerability, I share with you the reality of the situation. Honestly, it hasn't gotten much better, everything I own seems to still be.. deteriorating. But in my heart, there is ever-fortifying peace.
I've lost thousands dollars to some pretty incomprehensible circumstances since the beginning of the year. I am currently in a lawsuit, haphazardly. I've lost things I've owned, now including my laptop. My relationship with my parents is continually improving, but they can no longer support me financially in what I do. Not to mention the cost of what I do for a living. Haha..
But I can honestly say that I am writing with a smile, joking with my friends around me about my phenomenal articulation. I know the LORD has got me covered. I know HE will provide for me everyday. JESUS is kind of the best. At least I think so.
Because back then, in my heart, I began to receive, peace.
And I haven't stopped receiving it, since.
|I live to advance the Kingdom of God, here on earth because|
|I A M N O T M Y O W N|
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